My Apologies.

Well, I am back. I am sorry for just disappearing, but I didn’t really know that I was going myself. I just felt extremely apathetic and horribly depressed one morning. And I stopped even wanting to talk to anyone, let alone post about my life online. I wish I had stuck with it, because now I feel so bad for not posting anything for a solid month, right after I said that I would start posting more. But I will make it up to all of my followers! I notice I have been still getting a decent amount of traffic on this page despite the lack of posting, so I guess that is a good sign. Thank you all who have continued to check in on me during my absence, it really does mean a lot to me. I feel super loved!

During my impromptu hiatus, I made some key changes in my life. I switched my major to nursing. Not because I think being a doctor would be too hard, but because I notice that in a hospital environment, the nurses work more with the patients than the doctors do. I really want to be on the front lines helping people. And I decided that I want to be a pediatric nurse of some kind, because I really love children, and I think working with them would make me extremely happy. Saving the lives of children would make me feel as if my job made a difference in the world. And, ultimately, that is really what I want to do; have a positive impact on the world and the lives of others.

Secondly, I decided to stop all the medications I have been taking for anxiety and depression. I do not like the way I feel on them. Most times, I am too emotionless to even feel happy or want to leave my room. Or anything. I got tired of not feeling anything. And yes, now that I am off them, I have to deal with my emotions head on, and it is really difficult… but I feel so much more like myself. When I am off the meds, it is hard to not feel negative, but at least I feel. Lately, I have been feeling so much better, aside from my extreme fatigue. I hope that when the semester starts I will start to feel a bit more awake. For those of you out there who have been considering not taking your medications, I would say that you should first consider how much the medication is doing for you. In many cases, anti-depressant and anxiety drugs mess with the chemicals in your brain. It can often lead to a severe decrease in the range of emotions one can feel. I thought that taking medication would be a quick fix, but I fell into an even darker depression than I can remember feeling while not taking anything. I know it is hard to not be tempted by something that has the potential to fix you all at once and right away, but if you can function properly without medication… I strongly suggest that you do so. The more poison you put in your body, the worse off you are. All natural is the best way to go! If you need a pick me up, go for a run or meditate! Anything that gets your body moving. Exercise is the best natural stress relief there is!

In other news, I am extremely excited that my classes start tomorrow. I really love school, it is my passion. And I hope that this upcoming semester gives me something to focus on and helps me to get motivated and out of this rut. I am starting to feel much better on my own, but I will have more to do when all of my friends are back around campus and I start having homework. I love being busy, it keeps my mind off the things that would normally bring me down. And this semester, I don’t have an asshole boyfriend dragging me down. I am going to make the absolute best of this next year, and I simply can not wait for it to start.

XOXO

-Cheryl

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~ by Cherylsaur on August 29, 2012.

2 Responses to “My Apologies.”

  1. Chocolate releases endorphins and going to the gym lets you feel good about yourself.

    And the chocolate.

    I know we never really talked in High School, but having been accepted as a Pediatric Patient for my Leukemia I can tell you it is going to be a little bit heart-breaking seeing how many sick kids there are out there – but! You know you’re helping them out – the kid’s gratitude and their parents’ for you being there is definitely something that is going to be one of the rewards of the position.

    Have a good start on your classes – I’ve already started Monday, but I’m just one of those (lazy)evil (not)suit wearing,(sometimes)watch toting, (NO!)Humorless Business Majors 😛

    • Yeah, I specifically want to try and get into pediatric oncology. I know that it will be very trying on my emotions sometimes, but it is the mission that counts. I really want to make a difference. And helping children is a job that I can totally get behind and feel proud of doing. It is going to be a somewhat long road, but I will be doing something great when I am done.

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